New this season from esteemed designer Reem Acra… Sloppy Sailor/Schoolgirl Chic!
Forget all those other wedding dresses that are actually attractive — gowns that make you look pretty and feminine — because the Very Latest in wedding fashion is rumpled and androgynous. Just look at the mannish collar of this dress, accompanied by a stylish tie more flaccid than Bob Dole’s pre-Viagra penis. From the waist up, this dress looks like something a gay sailor might have worn in the 1980s. Can you say HOT couture? (Get it? “Hot” instead of “haute”…GET IT?!?)
Granted, we here at Reem Acra made some concessions from the waist down with a traditional long skirt with a hint of embrodiery. And yeah, we’ve been getting some compliments on that part of the dress, and even a few queries about the mental stability of the designer regarding the dichotomy (for your information, no, Ms. Acra does not have a “bad case of dissociative identity disorder, but she thanks you for your interest in her mental wellbeing).
What these critics don’t understand is that the contrast is what makes the dress! Do you know how difficult it is to design wedding dresses year in and year out? It’s like, white gown, silk and satin and lace, long train…it’s enough to make a designer want to “throw in the tulle!” (GET IT?) Who in this day and age of zillions of wedding gowns would get all worked up about a simple embroidered skirt … unless, of course, it was paired with a fugly — I mean, unique — top?? Do you understand now?!? I mean–
…Um, yes? Ms. Acra wants to see me now? In her office?
Well, I have to run. But thank you all for coming to this little conference. We hope to see you next season when Ms. Acra unveils her Safari-Scuba-Diver Collection.